Today I met with the Donald. Well, really I spent one and a half hours at an introductory Trump University course. And if you are willing to alter your conception of ‘met’ to include a ten minute introductory video on a 6 foot projection screen, then yes, I did meet him.
I didn’t really know the Donald all that well until today. Sure, I know he routinely fires people as his schtick on ‘The Apprentice”, is an east coast real estate magnate, grew up in a well to do family. But today, I got insight into the mind of the Donald that I’ll never be able to give back.
You see, the Donald has money. So much money that he is not interested in making money anymore. That is why he has founded Trump university. To give back to the masses and to leave behind his legacy, a legacy so bold it transcends high rise buildings and Atlantic City casinos.
During his ten minute introductory video, the only point today at which he was present, the Donald described what students of Trump University could expect. Firstly, the instruction. World class teachers, scholars, laureates. The world’s smartest individuals, hand picked by the Donald to teach us, the masses, what we couldn’t know by simply attending these ‘accredited’ universities and business schools. Secondly, the cirriculum. Forget those blase’ topics the world’s most esteemed universities try to teach you. Trump University will teach you what you need to know to be rich in business. Exactly what you need to know, as opposed to the mundane, waste of time topics that other institutions provide.
When the video ended, the speaker was presented to us. No, it was not the Donald. The Donald is a busy man, and the demands of the Trump empire are great. What we, the masses, got was one of the Donald’s minions. His name was Jim, but I’ll choose to call him “Greasy”.
Greasy entered the stage dressed in apparel that would make any swampland salesman stand up and take notice. The slicked back hair, loosely buttoned collared bowling shirt and blue jeans just reeked credibility. Greasy was not a slow talker. He like to talk fast, and it became clear that he was into the wheel and deal, baby. Greasy was quick to point out that he was not used to giving presentations, but rather teaching his cirriculum as a three day weekend retreat. He did not mean to brag, but he did let us know that he taught as many of these classes as his time as a multi-millionaire real estate magnate would allow him.
After wowing us with his incredibly fast paced speech and regailing us with stories of his personal success, he made sure we knew he was hand picked by the Donald to speak with us. Despite his assertion that he should be making tons more money elsewhere, Greasy had a desire to give back to the world and teach us, the huddled masses, his secrets of becoming incredibly rich. As a forty-one year old retiree, Greasy had worked hard in his life and now just kicks back and lets his money work for him! (When he is not teaching his three day retreats and indroductory classes, of course).
Without delay, Greasy jumped into his ‘cirriculum’. He began by informing us that people that hold things in their own name (real property, in this case) were ‘idiots’. An interesting position, but after all, his point was that eventually we all go out and cause great personal harm to another individual, resulting in a lawsuit in which we lose our shirt. Greasy was kind enough to then point out that ‘smart’ folks create LLC”s, and that nothing ever goes in their name. Gee, Greasy, I’ve been to a few similar presentations and they never begin by teaching us how to best protect ourselves from expensive lawsuits. However, I’m not Greasy and I’m certainly not the Donald so what do I know?
Next up, Greasy presents the meat of the presentation: How to make money in real estate. Greasy begins by telling us that all the conventional wisdom of the ‘professionals’ is off base. To make gobs of money in Real Estate, one does not need money, credit or even a real estate license. You simply need the ability to do one thing and one thing only: Find incredibly naive and trusting people, and attempt to fleece the living hell out of them.
As much as I would like to tell exactly how the Donald and Greasy propose to help you make gobs of money in complex real estate transactions, the material is copyrighted and, not being an LLC, it could get sticky. But I will tell the general idea.
- What you need to do is find incredibly desperate people in desparate situations.
- Coerce them to sign legal equitable title over to you.
- Have them sign documents stipulating that you can walk away from any deal at any time for any reason.
- Coerce said trusting people into accepting real estate offers and other complex real estate transactions for their property at well below market value.
- Sell the property yourself at market value.
- Pocket the difference.
- Success!
This is an extremely high level overview of Greasy’s presentation. He presented lots of specific ways to make money in this fashion in the real estate game. And to Greasy’s credit, he made it sound incredibly easy, quick and fun. Sure, you would have to continue with his three day retreat and sign up for a long term mentorship program with him, but as Greasy pointed out, smart people take action on this, stupid people are lazy and do not. Afterall, who can argue with that logic?
What Greasy did not really do a good job of pointing out was the incredibly high risk inherent in such complex real estate deals. If any part of the transaction does not go exactly according to plan (very common, I can assure you), the transaction falls apart. Who do you think is left holding the bag? (Hint: Not Greasy. He is in an office somewhere laughing his ass off). The answer is you, and your property owner. A property owner who is now very angry with you and in all likelyhood has strong reason to believe you have committed fraud against him. It starts to become a little more clear why Greasy thinks an LLC is necessary, doesn’t it?
Aside from those strategies, Greasy also offered the following gems: 401k’s and retirement plans are scams. Pull your money out, or borrow against it, and you can then use it to invest is complex real estate transactions in which you CAN make 50% or more return on investment! Or totally lose your shirt. But Greasy ran out of time and didn’t cover that part.
Private investment money. Want to buy a property to flip it, but have no cash and sucky credit? No problem. Private investors will lend money to you with down or no credit check. Easy qualifying. They will quickly lend you the money to buy and fix up the place, at that time you can turn around and sell it for big bucks. What Greasy failed to mention is that if the job goes wrong (large construction jobs always go according to plan and never incur cost overruns, correct?) is that it’s your ass when Mr. private investor comes to collect. And since you’ve borrowed more than what the property will sell for, well, you get the picture.
The bottom line, and in all seriousness, is that this cirriculum was teaching folks amazingly unethical and irresponsible business dealings. About the only people guaranteed to make any money is the Donald and Greasy. Firstly, getting desparate people to sign legal title to you is frought with peril. Even if the deal works as Greasy laid it out, you are still opening the door for litigation from multiple parties. Not to mention the lack of ethics it would take to engage in this type of transaction in the first place. Secondly, borrowing money from private investors based on the future value of properties is risky. Short term, high interest loans to acquire properties that you will flip for profit can result in you being foreclosed against and or sued for the full amount (more lawsuits for you!). Lastly, cashing out or borrowing against your retirement to engage in these deals is EXTREMELY irresponsible advice. So is mortgaging yourself to the hilt with home equity lines to conduct these deals.
The bottom line is simple. If these methods were so easy and so successful, Greasy would be doing it and not getting paid to teach you how to do it. So would everyone else around you. But they are not, go figure. If this is your legacy Donald, do us a favor and stick to Atlantic City high rises.
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