A few years back, I labored in corporate America. Like many of us, I was a number in a multi-national coporation employing over 35000 people worldwide. This particular corporation had teams in India, a technology center in China, a silicon valley presence, and continues to be a major player in technology today. Although there are more than a few unpalateable items about working in a big company, one of items I always liked is the idea of managing by objectives and it’s accompanying function, the performance review.
In this particular organization, it was a well known fact that the review process was mostly symbolic. All of our review numbers were predetermined. Whats worse, our numbers were squeezed to meet a standard issue bell curve, meaning our review numbers were alotted to each group. That is to say, it didn’t really matter how well one performed during the review cycle, you grade was your grade and it was known long before any review was written.
Knowing this, and never being one to conform to corporate culture too readily, I wrote the following assessment. It became famous within the halls of our organization. and, to some degree, still lives in infamy even today.
Part 1: FY04 Performance Review
Summarize your performance against each FY04 objective.
| Objectives | Results |
| Do stuff. Work hard and stuff. Work with other groups and stuff. Core compentencies and values and stuff. |
Stuff was done. Some stuff broke. We fixed that stuff. Some stuff worked. We were happy about that stuff. Some of the stuff we did resulted in customer satisfaction. Good stuff. Some stuff we did resulted in customer unhappiness. Bad stuff.We worked hard to achieve our goals and stuff. Though our goals were never clearly defined for a lot of stuff, we did a good job working through that and stuff.
Did not make anyone cry over this last year and stuff. That’s, like, positive and stuff. Posted core compentencies on my door and stuff. Did some well and stuff. Did some not so well and stuff. At least I tried. Most people just laughed at me and stuff. BTW, spelling is NOT a core compentencie and stuff. |
Part 2: FY05 Commitment Setting
Reviewer and employee, edit this section to create a prioritized list of commitments.
| Commitments Identify 5-7 areas of focus which align to your organization and your manager’s commitments. | Execution Plan Identify how you will achieve your commitments (key milestones and dependencies). | Accountabilities Define success measures and metrics to evaluate the realization of your commitments. |
| Do stuff.
Work hard and stuff. Learn stuff. Think of more stuff. |
Actually DO stuff.
Actually WORK hard and stuff. Actually LEARN stuff. Hmmm. More stuff. |
I am responsible for doing stuff. Realization: If stuff aint getting done, I aint doing stuff. Evaluation: I am responsible for doing stuff.Realization: If I aint working hard and stuff, I ain’t working hard and stuff. Evaluation: I am responsible for learning stuff.
Realization: It should be clear by now.I am responsible for thinking about stuff. Evaluation: Think about stuff, or no stuff will be thought of. |
Part 3: FY05 Development Plan
Reviewer and employee, edit this section to create a development plan.
| Development Activities | Timeline |
| Develop myself and stuff. |
This review is the basis of the “do stuff” philosophy and indirectly outlined my personal philosophies. Doing, working, learning and thinking. And stuff.
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Joe Capote 